No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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