Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
