I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
