Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
