remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
