I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
