Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
