the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
