I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My bed smells like the plague
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
