If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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