Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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