Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
