i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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