I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
