Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
