I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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