well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize