Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
