I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
