things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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