I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
