Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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