so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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