I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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