Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
