Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
