battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
