Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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