my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
