Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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