I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
