Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
