Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
