dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
