I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
