Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
