I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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