Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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