if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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