I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
