just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
