; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize