I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
