I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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