You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
