i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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