A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
COCAINE IS GR8
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
