I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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