please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
