Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
