So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
