So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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