it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
