I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
