you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
