guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
