You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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