Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
