If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
