i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
