His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
