All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize