If i come over, it means nothing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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