Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ā¹ļø
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