I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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