You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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