it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize