Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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