i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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