went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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