I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
