so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
