At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize