Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
