You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
