Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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