He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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