I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
