My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
