i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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