I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
