I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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