So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to have your abortion
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
