You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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