summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
