went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
