I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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