Whod you bang
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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